In this one I read part three, “The Gatekeeper”. This is definitely one of my personal favorites. This is one the first times that I get pretty raw with my writing. Also, I for sure swear in this so don’t listen if swearing offends you!
Life…. Who said you have to do it alone?
PART THREE
"THE GATEKEEPER"
Dear Clyde,
I'm sorry that I've drove you to hate me. I never wanted it to be like this. It's just that I'm not very good at communicating, but I hope what I have to say will help you understand me a little better.
First of all, your mom wasn't supposed to be a distraction, she was supposed to be a sign. See, her, and everyone else that is running from depression, end up finding me. I've never persuaded anyone to kill themselves, including your mom...
Her and I began talking around the same time I met your father. It didn't take long for me to see the torment that depression was causing both of them. I realized that it all started shortly after their divorce. I tried reaching out to you so that I could warn you about the condition of your parents, but you were so hard to reach. Anytime I thought I had an opportunity, you would slip away. Then, one day your mom came to me, begging me to save her from depression, and to take her away. I tried so hard to convince her to try another route, and luckily she listened. I hoped that this would open your eye's to the depressing cancer that was rapidly spreading throughout both of your parents. Which it almost did, but naturally your attention was focused on your mom. At least at that point I was able to concentrate more on your father...
I tried like hell to get your dad to quit drinking. Unfortunately alcohol was like a portal that allowed him and I to communicate. Kind of like pen and paper for you and I... Your dad thought my voice created a comfort and shelter from the depression. I tried to tell him that it was the whiskey warming his body, and numbing his nerves... He never did believe me. Oh, that reminds me, I've been meaning to ask what your attempt was in trying to help him with his drinking problem.
Anyways, his visits started to be more and more frequent, so I feared it wouldn't be long until he didn't want to run and hide anymore. I felt like I tried all I could. So I suggested that he try finding comfort and shelter from a doctor, but he thought I was trying to get rid of him. He got so angry, so fast... I think it was the alcohol making him act that way. I tried to reason with him, but there was no getting through to him. Then, all of the sudden, he just stopped. Everything went silent, and the chaos seemed to disappear into thin air. He closed his eyes, and began whispering... Almost like he was praying. Next thing I knew he had the barrel beneath his chin, cocked the hammer, and pulled the trigger.
Clyde, I hope you can see now that I'm not the one to blame. I've always been the one people turn to if they can't escape depressions relentless pursuit. Not once have I persuaded someone to kill themselves. In fact, I'm always the last one trying to help. I'm the one who tries to convince people to find another path.
Although I'm known as suicide, I'm actually just the gatekeeper of suicides gate, and it's my unfortunate duty to open that gate. I'm able to speak to them before they choose to go through the gate, and sometimes I'm able to convince them to find a different path... More times than not, I'm unable to save them.
I understand the way you, and basically the entire population of your world, feel about me. I just hope that you will give me another chance to show you who, and what I'm really capable of... I think that you and I would make a great team in efforts to combat the real enemy... Depression.
I hope to hear back from you soon.
Sincerely, The Gatekeeper